Someday
by donnapie
Summary: Finn's thoughts after he saw Jesse kissing Rachel in the auditorium... Post Funeral  2x21 ... The words that he should have said but which had always remained unspoken... Oneshot...


"You love her…"

His mother told him randomly that night when he got kicked out of prom…

That night when he came home with a huge scowl on his face and muttering expletives under his breath, cursing and swearing about how thick faced that asshole Jesse St. James is and how intolerable he is all because he even considered going to prom in a school that he doesn't even attend in the first place…

(Not that he's complaining because he cares about how he's touching Rachel but mostly because he is just showing concern because he is in HIS school and damn if he'd let him get away with acting all pervy…)

"Rachel?"

She said her name as if rubbing salt into an already open wound and Finn knew that he can lie to everyone but not his mother and he could give out all the lame excuses in the world but she'd never buy it…

"I know you love her… So, why did you break up with her and didn't fight for her in the first place?"

He was dumbfounded for a minute…

Surprised and a little bit relieved at how his mother can easily see through him that she knows exactly how he's feeling …

"Because…"

He mumbled under his breath…

"I messed up and now I have Quinn and it's just too late to do anything about it…"

He expels a huge sigh of breath as he took a seat beside her…

His mother looked at him inquisitively…

Her eyes probing as if she was guilt tripping the truth out of him, but in the end, she just shook her head sadly…

"I think you just don't know how much you need her…"

And he did not say anything because he knows that mothers know best and he doesn't know how to lie about something that he himself knows is right on the dot even if he tries his darnedest best to deny it…

He hitched his backpack on his shoulder as he looked at the wilted flower that now lies crushed in the palm of his hands…

Rachel probably doesn't know how much she still means to him…

She simply thinks that he stands up for her because he is her co-captain…

She thinks he seeks her out because he is selfish and greedy and that he doesn't want her to be with anyone else but him…

She never even considered that perhaps he had just wanted to be with her just a little while longer before he had to give her up and accept the fact that he had really been the one that had allowed her to slip through his fingers…

How different would things have been if he had realized that Rachel was his tether that fateful day that he broke up with her?

He closed his eyes as if he was in deep pain as he remembered that day…

She looked so small…

So lost…

So heart broken as she screamed at him and pointed her fingers accusingly at him, calling him out on his promise when he said that he'd never, ever break up with her…

He had been so angry and so consumed by his own rage that he never even realized that she is full of remorse and that she is being honest as she practically begged him every moment she gets for his forgiveness …

His mind couldn't wrap itself around that idea…

Not when he was only thinking about how crushed he was and how betrayed he feels and even before he could get over that, that kiss happened and then he saw fireworks and before he knew it he was already with Quinn…

His ex-girlfriend….

The beautiful and popular Quinn Fabray…

She had always made him feel boss and like a stud and that he is KING because he has her in his arms…

But his love for her?

It was fleeting and shallow and without substance.

Being with Quinn was like settling and he had mistaken that for the real deal and it took Sue's speech about Jane to make him realize that life was short and that it is about running after something you want and love even if in the end, you end up hurt…

He had been so foolish…

So blind…

He wished he knew that from the very start…

Rachel was the love of his life…

_She is a part of him and in some way or another he'd always feel connected to her…_

Rachel was his best friend, his inspiration, his salvation…

Sometimes she frustrates him and annoys him but most of the time she just makes him really, really happy in a way that no one else can…

There was a quiet, intense link between them that just draws them back to each other no matter how much they try their best to stay apart…

He feels safe just being around her…

Like he is worth something and that he can make something out of himself because she believes in HIM more than he does in himself…

But now that he's ready to tell her all that, once again Jesse is in the picture and he is too late…

He had let her move on and he had rejected her advances enough that now she believes they can be nothing more than just friends…

Maybe not even that…

What had Quinn once told him?

That Jesse and Rachel are meant to be together because they would make something out of themselves far away from Lima…

But what made him believe that he can't be that too?

That he can't make something out of himself and get away with her and now it seems as if that would really happen and he would stay stuck in this town without her…

_FOREVER…_

It hurts…

Knowing that she is on her way to her dreams and a life without him in it…

It hurts…

Knowing that once again Jesse will have Rachel even if she's the only girl in his life that he had ever, really wanted…

He hates Jesse…

Hates him with all his heart but truth be told, he also hates himself because it is his fault that he had allowed him once again into Rachel's life…

In the end, he only has himself to blame…

And now here he is…

Filled with regret and sorrow and inexplicable pain and finally seeing the light that they are meant to be together because he is madly and deeply in love with her but it is too late…

"FINN! Wait up!"

He felt himself stiffen as he heard her voice call out from behind him…

It took sheer guts and willpower to put on a smile on his face as he braced himself to face her before he turned around in order to greet her…

Her face was flushed, a pensive look on her face as she looked up at him and he felt his heart twist a little as he remembered how she had that same tilt of her head when he saw her in the auditorium just a couple of minutes ago kissing Jesse…

"I- I just want to tell you that I think it's really great what you did for Sue and how I admire you for being such a leader in convincing Glee club to do the service for her…"

She lifted brown chocolate eyes at him that he can feel himself drown in and she gave him a shy smile as she met his gaze head on…

"What did I tell you? You're not just meant for Lima, Finn… You're meant for something more…"

He almost cried at the sheer irony of that because she's telling him that he's meant to be _something_ but it really wouldn't matter anyway, not when his life doesn't have her in it…

He gave her a small smile as he looked down at her and took the time to study her face…

She had such radiance…

Such exuberance…

She is meant to be a star and she had him mesmerized…

She is so beautiful in his eyes…

Her passion for her dreams…

Her undying spirit…

Her sheer will to face adversities and the size of her compassion…

He is overwhelmed with gratitude that he was able to see all those sides to her…

That he was gifted with the knowledge of Rachel Berry, THE PERSON…

The girl behind the craziness and the names that the REAL losers of this school call her…

He feels a sense of coming home just being around her…

And he thought to himself how in the future, they wouldn't have too many days like these left…

Not when she's now back with Jesse and how she'd now probably stay away from him and he dreads that moment because he would just _die_ if he didn't get the chance to have days like this when he can just be _this _close to her…

Her eyes widened in surprise as he gave in to the need and brushed her bangs away from her face…

Her skin was soft to his touch and he thought to himself what he wouldn't give to bend his head down and to feel her lips on his…

Too bad he had lost that right…

And he felt his hands clench into fists as he saw Jesse round the corner and he saw a dark frown appear on the dudes forehead as he stopped and stared at the two of them standing so closely together …

"Rach, You coming to see Mr. Schu?"

He shouted from across the hallway…

She glanced at Jesse's direction before looking up at him with an apologetic smile, her body already half posed for flight as she stood in front of him…

"I - I have to go…"

And he just gave her a little nod and a little wave and she smiled at him brilliantly probably for being just so cool about the whole thing…

He was such a fool…

_Such a fucking fool…_

"Thank you…"

She whispered…

And she gave his hand a little squeeze before she walked away and he watched her back becoming smaller as she walked with Jesse in that long, crowded hallway…

Someday, Finn vowed…

Someday they'd find their way back to each other…

One of these days he'd tell her…

However, if Jesse hurt her again, he wouldn't hold back…

He is just so tired of how he can't face up to the truth and how he can't admit his true feelings…

Tired of always being around her but not really having her…

Tired of falling short of his dreams and desire, tired of acting as if he is alright and of pretending that it doesn't hurt…

And yet, as long as she was happy…

_As long as she is happy…_

He watched her as she entered the choir room and their eyes met for awhile before she turned to look towards Jesse, breaking the moment…

"I love you Rachel…"

He mouthed to himself silently…

_One day I'd get to tell you and I hope that when I do, you'd realize that all these time... _

**_You've meant the whole world to me…._**

* * *

><p><em>AUTHORS NOTE:<em>

_I didn't mean to write this to be that way, but this one-shot somehow ended up connected and like a follow up to Rachel's thoughts on my post prom one shot Jar of Hearts…(click on authors name for link)_

_I just think that even if at the end, Finn and Rachel are still not together, their future together holds so much promise and I firmly believe that all these angst will pay off in the end as it makes their love more stronger and matured and I am soooo sure that they will make it way past high school and even beyond Lima…_

_Reviews are Love… so do leave a comment!_


End file.
